What I'm Watching II: Warehouse 13

Netflix, oh Netflix, how did you become such a beautiful indicator of tastes? You know me better than my mother, my girlfriend, or my therapist. Your recommendations are sometimes dubious, (REALLY, Vampire Diaries, what made you think that? Oh, I see, you do remember the time I was home alone and secretly drank a 6-pack of Lagunitas IPA and watched Twilight: New Moon. I JUST WANTED TO SEE WHAT ALL THE FUSS WAS ABOUT!), but you always have what I need, and you have enough in your inventory to keep the "What Should We Watch" conversation on Friday night civil, most of the time. 

While we live in the middle of an amazing city, we have slipped comfortably into Netflix-n-Sweatpants phase (yay!) and I love me a good show marathon.

Netflix, and what to watch, has and will likely be again, the source of some epic snark-fights in the House of Ville. If it were up to my girlfriend we would only watch documentaries about transgender brothers trying to adopt Siamese twins from Sri Lanka, or depressing tales of Bulgarian orphans, or Japanese Host Clubs, or this sad and terrible tale of prostitution around the world (I highly recommend, but not if you're already in a low place. The Bangladeshi section is mega-depressing).  I, on the other hand, am perfectly happy re-watching nothing but The Hunger Games and The Office (S1-5 only plz) over and over for ever and ever. She would rather chew off her own arm than re-watch The L Word or V For Vendetta again. So, obviously, our tastes and viewing styles run in varied directions. 

We both, however, love Sci Fi (and SyFy) series. I got her into Battlestar Galactica 2 years ago, which she consumed voraciously and I don't think we spoke for 3 weeks while she sat glued to TV or laptop, taking a break only to demand spoilers which I judiciously refused to give her. (She claims she "guessed" what Starbuck was, but I KNOW SHE GOOGLED THAT SHIT!)

We just started another SyFy series, Warehouse 13,  and are loving the crap out of it. I especially love that it is fairly non-linear, (besides some basic story-arcs needed to drive a series forward) so if we want to watch while the other one isn't here it doesn't destroy our understanding of the series or invoke accusations of Netflix Watching Infidelity (which is basically like actual infidelity...sometimes worse. I mean, what was more angering? Piper cheating on Larry with Alex in prison, or Larry watching Mad Men while she was away in prison? We all know the answer to this. Fuck you, Larry.)

Episodes In: 12 (about to move on to Season 2)

Best So Far: I missed a huge gap of episodes in the middle that Jenny watched while I was at a work event, but I really enjoyed "Episode 10, Breakdown". There is a fun dynamic of Pete, Myka, and Claudia as "kids left home alone" as the Warehouse begins to malfunction. Enjoyed the Sylvia Plath reference and Pete has some great 1-liners.

Actor Crossover: So far, I've seen TWO BSG characters, which puts me on high alert for more. Col. Tigh is Myka's father (fun Lesbian Fact, he is also Dana's father in "The L Word") and the Mysterious Blind Lawyer is one of the Regents! Wooh, BSG!

Gayscale: Currently at 0, but I know that there is some serious subtext to come whenever H.G. Wells gets introduced that the ladies over at AfterEllen get wet-in-the-cargo-shorts about. 

Oh Look, a Kenzie!: The tried and true "Procedural" method of adding a "Quirky Sarcastic Goth Sidekick" rears its head! And it totally works, Claudia is a great foil for Artie, and her character has depth. She works well with Pete as a mischievous bro. Most importantly, she isn't a grown woman wearing pigtails which I HATE.

                                                YOU ARE AN ADULT! IS THAT A CHOKER?

Pros: Easily consumable, and good for a quick watch if you just want to grab a few episodes. It's not a show that is going to "suck me in" to the storyline (yet), which is nice, because I don't have the time right now to become obsessively invested in some massive nerd universe (I'm still recovering from my LOST days...)

Cons: I mean it's totally a little hokey, and totally a ripoff of Bones (down to some David Boreanez lookalike casting) and X Files, and as Jenny said, "Why did the guy get to be the fun and easy going one and the girl has to be the uptight bitch?" 

Pointless Spawn: NO POINTLESS SPAWN! Though I have yet to understand Leena's purpose...

Best Character: Mrs. Frederic. She's great as the no-nonsense omnipotent boss. I also enjoy Pete's little side comments. 

Shipping: No one yet, and if they do the Castle/Bones/XFiles 'will they won't they' shit with Myka and Pete I'll be thoroughly disappointed. 

What I'm Watching

We got rid of cable because I finally got a beloved PS3 (days before they announced they are coming out with a PS4, of course). When I am not getting video game vengeance by destroying racist homophobes in Call of Duty I am backwatching a lot of shows I have been interested in viewing but never did because memorizing tv schedules is hard and I go to bed early. The following is a brief update of What I'm Watching.

Chicago Fire

Episodes in: 15

Best Episode: Episode 3 "Professional Courtesy" the one where we are introduced to corrupt Det. Voight whose gravelly voice is incredibly scary. 

Actor Crossover: CARMEN DE LA PICA MORALES!!! Oh heeeey Carmen...can't wait for you to hook up with Sha---SON OF A BITCH, Severide. Also, blast from the past, Shiri Appleby from Roswell, which makes me feel nostalgic because I watched the shit out of every show WB greenlit in the late nineties and early ots (Even Savannah!)

Gayscale: 2— Hey, thanks for including LGBT characters, but how about lets not assume that every woman just needs a Severide to remind her to fuck dudes. Kthanks. 

Pros: Greys Anatomy in a fire house in Chicago. Even includes Stern But Understanding African American Chief With Marriage Troubles. Also, Severide and Eric Dane are probably brothers.

Cons: Not as much hooking up as Greys because too many doods. Seriously lacking in Christina Yangs.

Pointless spawn: Clarice's baby with her husband. Blergh.

Best Character: Hermann, he's just great. 

Shipping: I am heteroshipping Dawson and Peter Mills, because FUCK CASEY. Oh, I ship Otis and Mouch's bromance HARD. I read that Tania Raymonde (LOST, that lifetime movie about Jodi Arias that was AMAZING) fingers crossed shes like "heeeey shaaaaay"

Once Upon A Time

Episodes In: 9

Best So Far: Eh, I don't know, but the worst one is that stupid Hansel and Gretel one...

Actor Crossover: OMG RENARD (Bond Villian, The World Is Not Enough) is Mr. Gold! 

Gayscale: I end every Regina/Emma encounter with “Then then make out?” resulting in sigh and eye roll from girlfriend.  Solid 7. And according to the internet, will increase to at least 9 in future episodes. 

Pros: I love any show with flashback storylines! The Mr. Gold backstory is thus far my favorite. 

Cons: Oh my god, painfully bad green-screen scenarios in flashback storylines, and sometimes the transition of Fairy Tale to Modern World characters are ridiculous. So many plot holes it makes LOST plot holes look like Harry Potter plot holes.

Pointless Spawn: Uhhh...I guess I can't say Henry is pointless, but he sure is annoying. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING IN THAT MINE SHAFT, YOU LITTLE SHIT???

Best Characters: Regina is deliciously evil. 

Shipping: I am quietly rooting for Regina to end up a power dyke and I don't give a fuck who it is with. 

Orange is the New Black

Episodes In: Finished it, and for the last episode Comcast’s stupid internet failed and we were so desperate we had to watch it sharing earbuds on an iPhone. 

Best So Far: When Alex gets locked in that dryer.

Actor Crossover: fucking EVERYONE, but the one that makes me laugh the hardest is Taylor Schilling was Dagney Whatsherface in that awful fucking Ayn Rand Masturbation Project- Atlas Shrugged. Because railroads are relevant! Also, Pornstache is a very scary sociopath in the finale of Law and Order: MHB (Mariska Hargitay In V Necks. I keep waiting for Helena Peabody to appear. WHERE IS HELENA????

Gayscale: 22, 78 when Laura Prepon is on the screen. Holy shit, I feel like Foreman when he realized Donna was a woman.

Number of inappropriate dreams I’ve had about Laura Prepon since the show: 15

Number of inappropriate dreams I’ve had about Laura Prepon that also involve sharks living in swimming pools: 2 (thanks Sharknado!)

Pros: you can watch it all at once in a 11 hour period while you run out of things to eat you just resort to putting mustard and shredded cheddar on old tortillas and your eyes film over from not blinking and rewind Piper getting out of solitary and.....you know.

Cons: It makes me think about heavy shit like race relations and crime recidivism and sometimes Piper is a little too Nancy-From-Weeds-Manipulative-Narcissist and I start to hate her. 

Pointless Spawn: the whole Daya-Bennett Prison Baby. Is Bennett supposed to be a protagonist? Fuck that guy.

Best Character: TAYSTEE and Poussey.

Shipping: I ship Pipalex, like everyone else. I also want Crazy Eyes to find some swirl who appreciates her in season 2.

Roundup

Shows: 3

Lesbians: 10 (1 Chicago Fire, 9 OITNB...low estimate)

The L Word Actress Appearances: 1

Over-long introductory sequences: 1 (good god, OITNB, the only thing that could make that any longer is if Betty was singing it...)

Number of These Shows My Girlfriend Will Actually Watch With Me: 2 

Coming soon:

LOST Girl

The Fosters

and if I ever start it, Defiance.

Treasure Trolling

So, Jezebel/autostraddle et al started my August right with the tale of colossal douchenoodle David Hookstead, Sconnie Brophisticate (Brophisticate (bro-fist-ick-ate, noun)- Bro who fancies himself the cultured, learned, scholar to the ladies but is really just an insecure sexist douchebag in a vest) and editor/Creator/Supreme Narcissist behind the UW-Madcity online Clusterfuck "Madison Confessions".

I was once a brief resident of Madison (not in a student capacity) which is basically the Seattle of the Midwest, and it is a beacon of liberal light in a state where the Imperial Walker reigns supreme. Madison (and Wisconsin as a whole) is a great place full of my favorite things Beer, Cheese, and The Sports. If you're ever there check out Cleveland's Diner/Plaka for a double-dip-day (greasy spoon breakfast in the AM and crazy good Greek food in the PM, OMG SO GOOD). As on every campus, there is always one smug, self important blowhard who gains notoriety for his douchitude, and, unfortunately a lot of fans as well, because some people are terrible. At my alma mater it was the BSU Ass Slapper....blech.

At UW it is this chode. I hope that UW-Madison realizes that this is not the face they want to wear and chuck this guy into the Badger den. David Hookstead is the absolute worst.

After reading through his awful Twitter account which borrows heavily from the Condescending Morally Superior Megalomaniac Template of Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson and Philosophy 100 argument tactics I saw an opportunity to make some jokes.

So I did...

Then some other random guy on Twitter joined me. And we made some more. You can see our joyful exchange here.  And that's why I didn't get any work done yesterday and had to double time stuff this morning- because I was trolling David Hookstead on Twitter until he blocked me. It was a good day.